I read the essay that Nisey Williams wrote about Brittney Spears. I would give this essay a B. Nisey struggled with grammar issues throughout the essay. She used slang in some of her sentences; “Bellies, breasts, and booties.” This was also a sentence she used, which is an incomplete sentence. There were many other sentences that were incomplete, or sentences that were just un-developed, and others that were fragment sentences. Her simple sentence paragraphs make her writing look like something a child would turn in for a report. After her first paragraph there was just one sentence in a paragraph; “And for my fear of motherhood, I blame Brittney Spears.”
The format of her paragraphs varies from one paragraph to the next; the first paragraph isn’t even indented. All of her paragraphs vary in size, which makes it hard to read, and stayed focused. Nisey should write with a better, more consistent format. When she is going to write an essay she should have an outline that she will follow; with a topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. Nisey should use some complex sentences in her writing to tie her thoughts together that way her writing doesn’t seem like many short, simple thoughts.