I read the essay that Nisey Williams wrote about Brittney Spears. I would give this essay a B. Nisey struggled with grammar issues throughout the essay. She used slang in some of her sentences; “Bellies, breasts, and booties.” This was also a sentence she used, which is an incomplete sentence. There were many other sentences that were incomplete, or sentences that were just un-developed, and others that were fragment sentences. Her simple sentence paragraphs make her writing look like something a child would turn in for a report. After her first paragraph there was just one sentence in a paragraph; “And for my fear of motherhood, I blame Brittney Spears.”
The format of her paragraphs varies from one paragraph to the next; the first paragraph isn’t even indented. All of her paragraphs vary in size, which makes it hard to read, and stayed focused. Nisey should write with a better, more consistent format. When she is going to write an essay she should have an outline that she will follow; with a topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. Nisey should use some complex sentences in her writing to tie her thoughts together that way her writing doesn’t seem like many short, simple thoughts.
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2 comments:
If you read the footnote below the essay on the first page, you will see that her essay was to be written as a personal voice publication for a newspaper. That would explain some of the more simple sentences because the audience of this essay obviously will not be scholors. As for the fragment sentence and the single sentence paragraph, sometimes these are used deliberately by writers to draw attention to a certain detail. Maybe that is not the case here, but it is good to know that all writing does not follow the same guidelines.
I'm going to agree with Justin5000 on this one.
I don't think that Ms. Williams' informal grammar, use of slang, and conversational tone were accidental; I think that they were entirely deliberate, being designed to evoke an informal, personal tone.
Though the overall effect, when evaluated through an academic perspective, may appear simplistic and juvenile, I believe that Ms. Williams is actually a very competent writer who simply tried to tailor her essay to a particular audience.
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